Unrealistic Expectations

  

Then Jacob continued on his journey and came to the land of the eastern peoples. There he saw a well in the open country, with three flocks of sheep lying near it because the flocks were watered from that well. The stone over the mouth of the well was large. When all the flocks were gathered there, the shepherds would roll the stone away from the well’s mouth and water the sheep. Then they would return the stone to its place over the mouth of the well. Jacob asked the shepherds, ‘My brothers, where are you from?’ ‘We’re from Harran,’ they replied. He said to them, ‘Do you know Laban, Nahor’s grandson?’ ‘Yes, we know him,’ they answered. Then Jacob asked them, ‘Is he well?’ ‘Yes, he is,’ they said, ‘and here comes his daughter Rachel with the sheep.’ ‘Look,’ he said, ‘the sun is still high; it is not time for the flocks to be gathered. Water the sheep and take them back to pasture.’ ‘We can’t,’ they replied, ‘until all the flocks are gathered and the stone has been rolled away from the mouth of the well. Then we will water the sheep.’ While he was still talking with them, Rachel came with her father’s sheep, for she was a shepherd. When Jacob saw Rachel daughter of his uncle Laban, and Laban’s sheep, he went over and rolled the stone away from the mouth of the well and watered his uncle’s sheep. Then Jacob kissed Rachel and began to weep aloud. He had told Rachel that he was a relative of her father and a son of Rebekah. So she ran and told her father. As soon as Laban heard the news about Jacob, his sister’s son, he hurried to meet him. He embraced him and kissed him and brought him to his home, and there Jacob told him all these things. Then Laban said to him, ‘You are my own flesh and blood.’ After Jacob had stayed with him for a whole month, Laban said to him, ‘Just because you are a relative of mine, should you work for me for nothing? Tell me what your wages should be.’ Now Laban had two daughters; the name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah had weak eyes, but Rachel had a lovely figure and was beautiful. Jacob was in love with Rachel and said, ‘I’ll work for you seven years in return for your younger daughter Rachel.’ Laban said, ‘It’s better that I give her to you than to some other man. Stay here with me.’ So Jacob served seven years to get Rachel, but they seemed like only a few days to him because of his love for her. Then Jacob said to Laban, ‘Give me my wife. My time is completed, and I want to make love to her.’ So Laban brought together all the people of the place and gave a feast. But when evening came, he took his daughter Leah and brought her to Jacob, and Jacob made love to her. And Laban gave his servant Zilpah to his daughter as her attendant. When morning came, there was Leah! So Jacob said to Laban, ‘What is this you have done to me? I served you for Rachel, didn’t I? Why have you deceived me?’ Laban replied, ‘It is not our custom here to give the younger daughter in marriage before the older one. Finish this daughter’s bridal week; then we will give you the younger one also, in return for another seven years of work.’ And Jacob did so. He finished the week with Leah, and then Laban gave him his daughter Rachel to be his wife. Laban gave his servant Bilhah to his daughter Rachel as her attendant. Jacob made love to Rachel also, and his love for Rachel was greater than his love for Leah. And he worked for Laban another seven years.

-Genesis 29:1-30

Average length of marriage is 8 years.

-Forbes Advisor: Divorce Stats 2024

The large part of the reason marriages only last 8 years can be summed up in two words: Unrealistic expectations.

  

Our church is passionate about giving Biblical wisdom and instruction to the next generation.

Primogeniture: First Born gets everything.

But the saddest part of Jacob’s Story?

Isaac loved Esau but Rebekah loved Jacob!

-Genesis 25:28

Then Laban said to Jacob, 'Because you are my kinsman, should you therefore serve me for nothing? Tell me, what shall your wages be?' Now Laban had two daughters. The name of the older was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance. Jacob loved Rachel. And he said, ‘I will serve you seven years for your younger daughter Rachel.’

-Genesis 29:15-16

Leah’s eyes were weak, but Rachel was beautiful in form and appearance.

-Genesis 29:17

Form: Hebrew reference to sexual attraction—curves.

Appearance: Hebrew reference to face.

Jacob is smitten, stricken, and overwhelmed!

How overwhelmed?

Then Jacob kissed Rachel, and lifted his voice and wept.

-Genesis 29:11

So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed to him but a few days because of the love he had for her.

-Genesis 29:20

‘Give me your daughter Rachael that I may lie with her.’

-Genesis 29:21

We do not want to admit the degree to which people are making up for the lack of spiritual fulfillment (intimacy with God) by looking out there and saying, “I am going to find that one!”

  

The Romantic Solution

The belief that if we can find that one true love, all our feelings of insignificance, purposelessness, and meaninglessness will dissipate.

-Ernest Becker, "The Denial of Death"

3 Terrible reasons to get married:

  

1. To solve your relationship problems.

  

2. Because you are afraid of being alone.

  

You cannot be good with someone else until you are good with yourself. You cannot be good with yourself until you are good with God.

  

3. To escape your present circumstances.

Laban said, ‘It is better that I give her to you than to give her to another man.’

-Genesis 29:9

Leah had weak eyes, but Rachael was lovely in form and very beautiful.

-Genesis 29: 17

Reuben: To see.

Simeon: To hear.

Levi: To attach.

Most people, if they really learned how to look into their own hearts, would know that they want something that this world can never give them. These are longings which no marriage, no travel, no learning will ever satisfy. There is always something that we have grasped at that first moment of longing that just fades away with reality. The thing we thought we were going to get in the new experience always evades us.

-C.S. Lewis

The Romantic Solution?

The belief that if we can find that one true love, all our feelings of insignificance, purposelessness, and meaninglessness will dissipate.

-Ernest Becker, "The Denial of Death"

Judah: Means, “Praise.”

‘This time I will praise the LORD.’ Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she ceased bearing.

-Genesis 29:35

  

One: There is a void in you that only Christ can fill.

  

You will never find your rest until you first find your rest in Jesus.

  

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

-Psalm 139:1-2

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

-Psalm 139:7-8

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.

-Psalm 139:13-14

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

-Psalm 139:16

  

You cannot be good with someone else until you are good with yourself. You cannot be good with yourself until you are good with God.

  

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

-Ecclesiastes 3:11

There is a God-shaped void that only God can fill.

-Blaise Pascal

The Creative Solution: You want to separate yourself from the heard.

The Religious Solution: I am morally good.

The Romantic Solution?

The belief that if we can find that one true love, all our feelings of insignificance, purposelessness, and meaninglessness will dissipate.

-Ernest Becker, "The Denial of Death"

  

Two: Your spouse will lead you away from God or toward God.

  

PDU? What is that?

Look at their priorities, not their words.

Look at their disciplines, not their words.

Look at their ultimate pursuits, not their words.

  

Three: Troubled marriages are redeemable.

  

Grow in love with the Lord.

Grow in your love for one another.

Just as there are spiritual disciplines that grow your love for God, there are disciplines that grow your love for your spouse.

Return to the courtship mentality.

Learn his/her love language.

Make time to “Be together.”

  

  

  

  

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