What is up, one and all?

We want to welcome Rancho, West Co.

Ain't no party like a West Co.

party because the West Co.

party don't stop.

Anyways, my name is Rory.

I'm one of the pastors on the team here.

We are delighted, dare I say excited, that you have joined us for week three of our series titled Built Different.

Now, if you have been journeying with us through this series, you know that we're taking a look at three of the most important things of the most important relationships this side of eternity.

We're talking about our dating relationships, our marriage relationships, and today we're gonna be talking about our parenting relationships.

But let's travel back in time.

Just two weeks ago, we started talking about dating and we learned a handful of things.

Number one, we learned that before you date, there's an important season.

It's a season called singleness.

And this season is not just a waiting room for marriage.

No, it's actually a gift.

from God that can be leveraged for maximum kingdom impact.

But we also learned that if your heart burns with passion for somebody else, that that's a good thing as well.

And pursuing marriage is wonderful.

However, before you get married, you need to choose wisely who you would pursue.

That's why Christians, do we date projects?

No, we don't date projects.

We don't missionary date.

Why?

Because Jesus saves people and you don't, right?

Yeah.

We also learn wisdom from Solomon about guarding our hearts.

And we've done this the past couple weeks.

Ladies, if Benny Trackshoes walks into the gym and says, hey girl, are you tired?

Because you've been running through my mind all day.

If he does that, do you give him a key to your heart?

No, you flee in Jesus' name, right?

Now, last week, we moved on from dating, we started talking about marriage, and we also learned three important things.

We learned this truth, that if you think something good, you should say it to your spouse.

The Bible says that our words have the power of life and death, so speak life over your marriage.

We also learned that if we think something fun, we should do it.

Like Christian couples should have the best marriages.

We should sit on the same side of the booth at Chili's with big googly eyes and make everybody uncomfortable, right?

And we also learn that you should have a lot of sex.

It's a good thing.

Everybody's like, you're weird about that one.

Don't be so weird.

It's true.

And we also learn that in marriage, if you want something different, you need to be the change.

You need to be.

Be the change.

You want more Jesus in your marriage?

Bring more Jesus in your marriage.

You want more respect?

Bring more respect.

You want more encouragement?

Bring more encouragement.

Be the change that you're hoping to see.

Why?

Because love goes first.

We don't wait for our spouse to do it.

No, we make the move.

Well, today we're talking about parenting.

And before some of you are like, ugh, really?

Parenting?

I don't have kids.

Or this is not the right season of life.

Listen to me.

this series has never been about.

parenting or about marriage or about dating.

It's been about discipleship.

It's about the kind of people that Jesus is building us to be.

It just so happens that parenting is our lens today.

Now, I got to be honest with you.

I was a little nervous to talk about this one.

Not because I don't love parenting.

I do.

But because Laura and I, we are right in the middle of it.

We have you Four kids, we're still learning, we're making mistakes all the time.

In fact, one of my kids is probably making a mistake right now, right?

It's just happening.

And so if you came here today looking for someone who has figured out parenting, you came to the wrong church.

Right now, we're just trying to keep everybody alive and convince them that deodorant is a spiritual discipline.

But while I don't know everything about parenting, I do know something about children.

I know what it's like to pray for children.

This is one of my favorite family heirlooms.

We call it the hope stocking.

Because before we ever had children, all we had was a hope and a prayer.

And our prayer was that one day, God would give us a child to be able to fill this stocking for.

Only problem was, we're going through an incredibly difficult season of miscarriages.

I know what it's like to walk into the ultrasound room and to see the technician suddenly go silent.

You're waiting for your baby's heartbeat.

She can't find one.

I know what it's like to be performing a wedding ceremony and watch my wife suddenly slip out to go to the hotel bathroom to have another miscarriage.

I know what it's like to pray for something so hard and feel like God's not listening.

But I also know what it's like for God to interrupt our story.

I'll never forget walking through our church hallway.

And a lady stops and said, hey, I heard you and Laura are considering adoption.

If so, there's a young girl that you need to meet.

I remember having a really awesome meeting with this young girl.

And then I remember a handful of weeks later on my birthday, receiving a call.

And on the other end of the phone, there were three words that changed my life.

You've been chosen.

I know what it's like to stand outside a delivery room.

and look out the window and watch an army of family and friends prayer walking around the hospital praying for a little boy they've never even met before.

I know what it's like to hold that little boy in my hands for the first time.

You want to know something really cool?

That little boy is getting baptized in 40 minutes.

So we felt like God answered our prayers, but little did we know, God was not finished.

It was almost like God took our little prayer, smiled, and injected it with steroids.

Because then came along Isaiah, and then after that, a two-for-one special, twin baby girls.

Which means that at one point, we had four kids, four and under, in our house.

There were days that our home sounded less like a family and so much more like a prison riot with snacks.

Some of you, you're in that season right now, and the truth is you don't need a parenting sermon.

What you need is a nap and a DoorDash gift card, amen?

But somewhere, somewhere in the middle of all this chaos, God taught me something.

He taught me that when you have prayed that hard for children, you don't see them.

As an interruption or an inconvenience or an expense, you begin to realize, just as the psalmist did, that children truly are a gift from God.

But every gift from God, you need to understand this, every gift from God comes with an assignment.

And church, I think this is where we've gotten a little confused, especially when it comes to kids, because somewhere along the way, we started believing that our assignment was to raise successful kids, smart kids, popular kids.

And hear me, I want all of those things for my children.

I want them to make the team.

I hope they get into their dream school.

I hope they marry somebody who loves Jesus.

I even hope they remember to call their mother.

I do.

Those are all wonderful.

Yeah, amen, sister.

Those are wonderful goals.

They're just not the assignment.

They are wonderful goals, but they are not the assignment.

See, to find the assignment, you need to go to Jesus's last words before he ascends into heaven.

The disciples are gathered.

Jesus has risen from the dead.

He's shown himself to well over 500 people and now they are gathered and he gives them these words.

You've heard these a thousand times, but maybe never like this.

He says, therefore, go.

and make disciples of all nations.

Parents, what is the assignment?

What is the mission?

It's to make disciples, make disciples.

Now, sometimes when we hear that verse, our mind usually goes to Africa, Asia, mission trips, church planters, missionaries.

And yes, it absolutely means that.

But parents, can I lovingly remind you of something?

Before God asks you to make disciples across the ocean, he's entrusted you with making disciples across the hallway.

Your first mission field isn't another nation, it's your home, which means parenting isn't primarily about behavior management, it's about disciple making.

It's not just getting them to clean their room, it's helping them follow Jesus.

It's not just preparing them for college, it's preparing them for eternity.

It's not just raising children, it's building disciples.

And then that raises a really important question.

How?

How do we do that?

I don't know if you've ever heard this quote.

It's very weighty.

It'll be weighty for you as a parent today.

Someone once said, the greatest contribution, your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God might not be something you do.

It might be someone you raise.

Let me say that again.

Your greatest contribution as a parent to the kingdom of God might not be something you do.

It might be someone you raise.

Do you feel the weightiness of that?

This is what.

the Lord calls us to.

Parenting is a great and an important endeavor.

So how?

How do ordinary parents with crazy schedules and chaos actually raise disciples, build disciples?

Well, I'm so glad you asked because the Lord gives us three really cool blueprints in his word.

And they all start with the letter R, which, as you know, is the letter favored.

by the Lord.

It got more chuckles than I expected.

So this is where I tell you to take out your phones, take out a pen and paper, write some things down, because what you write down, you're more likely to recall later.

Here are the three R's to build disciples.

Number one, it's rhythms.

Number two, it's resistance.

And number three, it's reminders.

Say that with me, rhythms, resistance, reminders.

Point number one, if you want to not just raise successful kids, but build disciples, you have to understand that rhythms are what create results.

Rhythms create results.

Deuteronomy chapter six, verses six and seven, Moses is on the precipice of the promised land.

The people of God are ready to move into their land.

The only problem is Moses isn't going with them.

Joshua is going to take them.

Moses We'll never see it.

He's going to die.

And these are his final words.

He says, these commandments that I give to you today are to be on your hearts.

Notice, Moses talks to parents first here.

Over the last couple of weeks, we have talked about the need as parents for you to somehow, some way, get God's word, his commandments in your heart.

We have said, if you want to grow as a follower of Jesus, you need to read your Bible and pray.

every day.

Why?

Because as parents, it is so hard to impart what you don't possess.

If you don't have God's word hidden in your heart, if you don't know his truth, how can you pass on the baton of faith?

So you need to keep these words on your hearts.

And then Moses continues.

He says, impress them on your children.

Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road and when you lie down and when you get up.

Now, you need to understand that Jesus-loving parents have been reading these verses for thousands of years.

And what I love about it is that God doesn't, in this passage, tell us to add another event to the calendar.

Amen.

He doesn't say schedule another VBS.

He doesn't say host a weekly Bible study.

Instead, he says, talk about me and my commands when you sit, when you walk, when you lie down, when you get up.

Do you know what he's describing?

He's describing everyday life.

He's just saying, talk about me anywhere and everywhere with your kids, at the breakfast table, on the drive to school, after soccer practice, on Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.

He is describing the moments that you're already living.

He's not telling us to schedule discipleship.

Sometimes we get it twisted.

We think discipleship is a program.

We think it's...

One hour on a Sunday morning or one hour on a Wednesday night.

That is wonderful.

But did you know, parents, there's 168 hours in a week.

If you give church one, maybe two, guess who's responsible for the 166 other hours?

You are.

It is your job to raise your children up in the ways of the Lord.

And what Jesus is saying through this passage to us today is it's not about another program.

It's about weaving Jesus and God conversations into the everyday rhythms of your life.

So what kind of rhythms do you have in your house?

Because again, it's not necessarily a Bible study.

You know, one of my greatest discipleship tools in our house, and again, don't hear me like we have this all figured out.

Laura and I don't have this all figured out.

We're learning as we go.

But one of our greatest discipleship tools isn't a Bible study.

It's a show called Young Sheldon.

Pretty much every night you can see the Eldridge Six huddled around the TV just watching an episode of Young Sheldon.

If you don't know the story, Sheldon is this 10-year-old child prodigy.

He's already in college at age 12 and he's got this sweet little Southern Texas family.

His mom is a Southern Baptist loving Jesus and he's an atheist.

And they're always having these conversations and sometimes Sheldon will go to church and he'll talk to the pastor.

Interestingly enough, the pastor is Pastor Jeff.

In one of the episodes, Sheldon asked Pastor Jeff, hey, how do we know that God exists?

And in that moment, in that episode, as a family, we were able to pause the episode and ask our kids, guys, how do you know that God exists?

And then we were able to have this whole discussion about creation, pointing to a creator, and we were able to talk about the historicity of the Bible and Jesus.

It was this awesome conversation.

There was another episode where the dad gets drunk.

And the kids start asking, well, why is it a sin to get drunk?

And we're able to talk about the fact that drinking is not actually a sin.

I mean, Jesus turned water into wine, right?

But then we were able to talk about how drunkenness is a sin.

And it's a sin because it goes against the fruit of the Spirit.

One of the fruit of the Spirit being self-control.

When you're drunk, do you have self-control?

We're able to talk through that as a family.

And do you understand, this is an everyday rhythm of life.

This is not another Bible study.

It's just pointing our kids to Jesus.

Something else we love to do, I pick up my girls on Fridays, and we go to the Rebel Gas Station in Laverne, and we'll get a little treat, and then we'll drive up in the hills of Laverne, and we will bump the tunes.

We turn our Toyota into a tabernacle.

I'm talking Forrest Frank.

God is good all the time.

If he ain't, what?

Come on, you can do better.

You can do better.

You guys know the song.

Sometimes, sometimes we turn.

love songs into songs about Jesus.

There was this Alicia Keys song that we heard recently.

Some people want it all.

Guys, I can't sing.

You already learned that last week.

But I don't want nothing at all.

If it ain't you, Jesus.

If I ain't got you, Jesus.

Some people want diamond rings.

Some just want everything.

But everything means nothing if I ain't got you.

Here's the thing, you think that that's just a love song to Jesus, but that's actually scripture.

Jesus says, what does it profit a man to gain the whole world but lose his soul?

That's what we just sang.

It's weaving Jesus into the everyday rhythms of your life.

One more is this.

Some of you have asked for this, so that's why I'm doing it.

I've had these questions that I ask my kids.

at night before they go to bed, sometimes during the middle of the day.

And some of them are biblical questions.

Some are just life inspiration.

But these are the questions I ask my kids just to get them thinking.

And again, weave Jesus and his truth into them.

Why don't you take a look?

Love you a little bit or?

A whole lot.

Leaders or what?

Servants.

Are you thermostat?

Yes.

Why?

Because you set the temperature.

You ever give up?

No.

You always go after your dreams?

Yes.

Show me your friends or show your?

Future.

Do unto others as you'd have done unto?

You.

Practice the power of?

Same.

You're as tough as?

Me.

The harder you hit the deeper you?

Go.

Don't sweat the?

Smosh that.

Keep the change ya?

You filthy animal.

Okay.

So why do I ask them those questions?

I just, I'm trying to speak life over them.

You might've noticed a few.

Say, leaders are what?

And they yell back, servants.

Why?

Because Jesus didn't come to be served, but to serve and give his life as a ransom for many.

I said, show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

Why?

Because bad company corrupts good character.

That's just Bible.

It's just the rhythms of our everyday life.

Can I tell you an interesting statistic?

Do you know that Orthodox Jews have a nearly 99% retention rate for their children.

Their children don't leave the faith.

And researchers have asked, why is that?

And what they found is it's the rhythms and it's the rituals.

Those families, they pray together.

Many of them pray three times a day.

They recite the Shema together.

They have meals where they actually observe the Sabbath.

They have moments where fathers pray blessings over their children.

It's those rhythms that they have created daily, weekly, seasonally, that have kept their children connected to their faith.

Do you know what the retention rate is for evangelical Christians?

Somewhere around 27 to 30%.

So the question is, Are you weaving God conversations into your everyday life?

See, I don't think God is asking us all to be theologians, but he is asking us to be tour guides and point our kids to Jesus in the everyday rhythms of life, on the drive to school, after practice, when we tuck them in at night.

Just point them to Jesus.

It's your rhythms that will create results in your life.

And again, parents, it is.

Your responsibility to raise your children up in the ways they should go.

Yes, church is here as a support, but there is no way that in one hour a week that we can do the job that God has called you to do.

It is your job.

We're not here to raise successful kids.

No, we're here to build powerful disciples in the name of Jesus.

So point number one is this.

If you want to build disciples, not just raise successful kids, you've got to understand.

that rhythms create results.

Number two is this, resistance develops resilience.

Resistance develops resilience.

James chapter one, verses two through four.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance.

Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.

Can we all agree that this might be one of the least popular verses in the Bible?

I mean, nobody cross-stitches that onto a pillow.

You don't walk into Hobby Lobby and find a cute little farmhouse sign that says, live, laugh, suffer.

It's not a thing.

It's not hanging over anybody's fireplace.

But James, in this passage, he isn't saying pain is enjoyable.

What he's saying is that pain is productive.

And here's the big idea.

James, he never celebrates the trial.

He tells us to celebrate what God produces through the trial.

And that's a huge difference.

The trial isn't the goal, maturity is.

The pain isn't the point, perseverance is.

God never wastes resistance.

He uses it.

And honestly, that shouldn't surprise us because that's exactly how Jesus made disciples.

Jesus never invited people into a comfortable life.

Think about that.

There's this whole passage where Paul says, I have been beaten.

I have been shipwrecked.

I've been stoned.

I've been left for dead.

I have been in and out of jail.

I have been kicked out of towns.

Does that sound like a comfortable life?

No, no.

See, Jesus doesn't call us to a comfortable life.

He calls us to a courageous one.

He didn't say, follow me and life gets easier.

He said, take up your cross.

Because Jesus, He wasn't raising comfortable followers.

He was forming courageous disciples.

And so if that's how Jesus makes disciples, why would we think our job as parents is to remove every difficulty from our children's lives?

And that's where this gets really personal because every instinct in us says protect, fix, rescue, remove.

Your kid gets left out at recess.

You're going to email the principal.

Coach doesn't play them enough.

You're ready to find a new team.

Teacher gives them a B and somehow you have convinced yourself that it's a grading error.

No, some of us aren't helicopter parents.

We are black hawk helicopter parents.

We are circling the playground just waiting for somebody to mess with our baby.

Can I once again lovingly tell you something?

Sometimes we love our kids the wrong way.

Because while you're trying to protect them from pain, God is trying to prepare them through it.

Those aren't always the same thing.

Protection isn't preparation.

Sometimes the very struggle we're trying to remove is the very thing that God wants to use.

I will never forget the day I took my son Isaiah to Disneyland.

And he wanted nothing, nothing to do with Splash Mountain.

He looked at that mountain, and then he looked at me.

And then he looked at that mountain, and then he looked at me, and he basically said, Father, into your hands, I commit my spirit.

I mean, he was terrified.

And I had a choice as a father.

I could rescue him.

I could say, it's okay, buddy, let's just skip it today.

But instead, I got down on one knee, and I looked him in the eyes, and I reminded him of something that's kind of become a mantra in the Eldridge household.

I said, buddy, what do Eldridges do?

And he responds, we do hard things.

And we do hard things as a family, not because we're fearless, we're not.

Not because we're trying to raise tough kids.

We're trying to raise faithful disciples.

Because following Jesus has always meant doing hard things.

Forgiving someone who hurt you is hard.

Loving your enemies is hard.

Remaining sexually pure is hard.

But that's what disciples do.

They do hard things.

And so, Isaiah gets on the ride, and this is my entry for Father of the Year.

Friends, we screamed, we laughed, and we survived.

And when we got off, guess what he wanted to do?

He wanted to do it all over again.

And here's what I've learned.

Courage rarely comes before obedience.

It usually comes after it.

Peter stepped out of the boat before he knew the water would hold him.

David ran towards Goliath before he saw God deliver him.

Faith has always looked like taking the first step before you feel ready.

Well, today, Splash Mountain is just a ride, but someday, someday walking onto a college campus where you don't know a single soul, It's going to feel a lot like Splash Mountain.

Someday moving across the country for a new job, it's going to feel a lot like Splash Mountain.

Someday standing for Jesus when everybody else walks away, it's going to feel a lot like Splash Mountain.

But it's the little things, the little hard things that prepare us for the big hard things.

So parents, please don't steal the struggle.

Don't steal it from them because every problem you solve for your children is one less muscle they build.

Now, hear me.

I'm not talking about neglect.

I'm talking about preparation because one day you won't be there.

You won't be in the classroom.

You won't be in the interview.

You won't be standing beside them when culture invites them to compromise, but Jesus will.

So our assignment isn't to raise kids who depend on us forever.

It's to raise disciples who know how to depend on Jesus.

without us because resistance develops resilience.

So we want to not just raise successful kids, but build powerful disciples in the name of Jesus.

You got to understand it's rhythms that create results.

It's resilience, sorry, resistance that develops.

Resilience, guys, when I get off the notes, it's always hard.

It's good.

And number three is this.

We gotta understand we're building disciples.

It's that reminders reinforce identity.

Reminders reinforce identity.

Now, if I'm honest, I think this is probably the most important of all the blueprints.

Because one day again, your kids are gonna leave the dinner table.

They're gonna leave your rhythms and they're gonna face struggles without you standing beside them.

And when that happens, one question will shape so much of their life.

And the question is this, who am I?

Who am I?

Because every single person spends their life looking for an answer to that question.

Culture has an answer.

Social media has an answer.

Friends have an answer.

The question isn't whether someone will tell your children who they are.

The question is who gets there first?

So one of my favorite moments in all of scripture happens before Jesus.

ever does anything.

Before he preaches, before he heals, before he calls the disciples, before he turns water into wine, Jesus is baptized.

And he comes up out of the water and the heavens open and the Holy Spirit descends like a dove.

And then the father speaks these words.

He says, you are my son whom I love.

With him, I am well pleased.

Don't miss this.

Jesus has not preached a sermon.

He hasn't healed a blind man.

He hasn't raised the dead.

He hasn't gone to the cross.

He hasn't accomplished anything.

Yet before the father tells him what he'll do, he reminds him of who he is.

Identity before activity, love before performance, approval before achievement.

And here's what I never noticed until recently.

The very next story is Jesus in the wilderness.

And what is the very first thing that Satan attacks?

It's not his power.

It's not his gifting.

It's his identity.

The father says, you are my son.

And the enemy says, if you are the son of God.

Did you catch that?

The enemy questioned what the father had already declared.

And church, the enemy is still doing that today.

The truth is every single day, the world is preaching a sermon over your kids.

TikTok is preaching, Instagram's preaching, YouTube is preaching, culture is preaching, and they're saying, you are what you achieve.

You are what you own.

You are what you look like.

You are what everyone thinks about you.

But parents, you cannot let culture disciple your children.

They cannot preach a louder sermon than you.

You have to be louder.

And so, How do we do that?

I'm gonna encourage you as parents somehow, some way to speak God's word over your child's life.

Remind them who they are and whose they are.

I want you to think about that.

Have you ever done that?

Have you ever spoken God's word over your children's life through prayer, through affirmations?

Have you done that?

Have you ever said, hey, Susie.

Hey, Billy, did you know that you are fearfully and wonderfully made?

Did you know that you are the head and not the tail?

Did you know that you are God's workmanship created in Christ Jesus to do good works that he has prepared for you to do?

Do you know that you are a part of a royal priesthood?

Do you know that you have power to put sin to death?

Do you know that you have everything you need to live a godly life?

Do you know that you have the mind of Christ?

Do you know that you are justified, sanctified?

holy, set apart?

Do you know that you are gifted?

Do you know that you're a new creation?

Do you know that the peace that surpasses all understanding dwells within you?

Do you know that you don't need to have a spirit of fear, but a power of love and a sound mind?

Do you know that the same spirit that raised Christ from the dead dwells within you?

Have you spoken that over your children?

You need to somehow, someway in the rhythms of everyday life.

Speak those truths and remind them of who they are and whose they are.

A child, a son, a daughter of the most high God.

God's word says that our words have the power of life and death.

And just like we speak God's word over our marriage, we speak God's word over our children.

One pastor put it this way.

The declarations of our lips will determine the direction of our children's lives.

So are you preaching a louder sermon than culture?

I hope that you are.

You don't need to be a theologian, no.

You just need to be a tour guide.

Before school, at the dinner table, at bedtime, just pointing to Jesus.

Just pointing to Jesus in the everyday rhythms of life.

We don't steal their struggle.

No, we work through it together and then we have conversations and guess what we do?

We just point them to Jesus.

Point them to Jesus.

We have intentional time because as parents, we've been in God's word.

We've been putting and hiding his word in our heart so we can pass on the baton of faith to our children.

We can pass on.

We can impart it.

So we speak God's word over their life.

We remind them of who they are and whose they are.

Now you thought I only had three R's.

But I got one more, and it's the word release.

You guys know that we prayed so hard for God to give us a child, and he answered that prayer.

He answered that prayer.

But you know, one day, I'm going to have to release that child to the world.

Matthew 28 says, therefore, go.

and make disciples.

So part of this is we need to make disciples.

We need to build powerful disciples in the name of Jesus.

But then one day you're going to need to let them go.

Because the true mark of a disciple is that they make disciples who go and make more disciples.

You want to be successful as a parent?

Make some disciples who make disciples.

Children are an absolute gift from God.

And God has entrusted us with one of the biggest responsibilities this side of eternity.

So parents, feel the weight of it.

Feel the weight of it.

It's not easy, but it's awesome.

It is not easy, but it is so awesome.

So if God has entrusted you with this gift, don't let your child be one of those statistics.

who just falls away from the church.

And again, I get it.

You can't control everything.

And I know there's some people in here, they might regret some of the decisions they made in their past.

And I believe that if you are a praying parent, it doesn't matter if your child's five or 55, that God can still answer prayers and draw them to himself.

But listen, take this gift seriously because every gift comes with an assignment and your assignment as parents is to raise disciples who make.

disciples.

And what I want to do right now as we close today is I just want to pray a prayer of blessing from scripture.

Would you bow your heads with me?

Would the Lord bless you, your family, your husband, your wife, your children, and their children?

Would he bless you and would he keep you?

Would the Lord make his face shine upon you when the days are long and the patience is short, when the trials are hard and the attacks are many?

May he be gracious to you.

May the Lord turn his face towards you and give you peace.

Amen.