If you have your Bibles with you, turn over to Matthew chapter 18 verse 15.

Really want to encourage you to turn there because we need to go through this text.

We're in a series on forgiveness and I got to say that if churches and individuals practice this very basic doctrine of forgiveness, there would be so much more unity in our churches.

We would be so much more equipped to be a light in darkness, to be a city on a hill that could not be hidden.

We would be a place that would be able to reveal to the world what community and forgiveness and mercy and grace and relationship looks like.

One of our campus pastors, Michael Chisaka, sent me a video not too long ago.

It was an incredible story of a young man by the name of Brent Jean.

And in 2018, September 6th, Amber Geiger, a Dallas police officer, shot his brother.

Botham Jean killed him.

And it was a total just confusion because she thought she was in her own apartment.

She was actually in the apartment one floor above.

She thought when she opened her apartment door, there was an intruder.

So without any questions, she fired, she shot and caused the death of Botham Jean.

When Botham's brother, Brant Jean, stood in the court, it was an amazing scene because all the family members had come up and said, And.

To Amber Geiger, you know, we hope you burn in hell.

We hope that you rot in prison.

We hope that the worst thing possible can happen to you.

And then Brant, Gene, walked to the witness stand.

And it was very clear right away that this was going to be different.

And he starts to tell her how he doesn't wish her ill will at all.

That he actually loves her.

He actually tells her the best thing that he wishes for her is that she would receive Christ.

You can actually see this on YouTube.

It's an amazing, amazing witness to the power of forgiveness.

But what really becomes a tearjerker is that he looks to the judge and asks the judge if he can walk over and hug Amber Geiger, the person responsible for the death of his brother.

There's a hesitancy on the part of the judge, and then finally the judge says yes.

And he walks over and he hugs her.

At that point, she emotionally breaks down.

She can't believe that someone could be so merciful and forgiving.

And she embraces him.

What's really interesting is the guard is there because he wants to make sure that he wants to hug her for the sake of forgiveness, not for revenge.

You know, you never know what's going to happen.

But it's very clear that he is motivated by something that nobody else in the courtroom understands.

That he is motivated.

because of his relationship with Jesus Christ.

And that not only inspired him to forgive, but enabled him to forgive her.

His willingness to forgive her actually, as I said, brought her to tears and showed her the love of Jesus in a very dismal, dark setting.

And so here we are as the Church of Jesus Christ, and we are commanded as Christians, commanded.

It's not an optional thing to forgive those who offend us.

And the degree of the offense is nowhere qualified.

So it doesn't, Jesus never says forgive the person unless they do this, then forgiveness is off the table.

He says forgive any offense and the reason is because God forgives any offense that we make toward him.

In fact, in Matthew 6, the end of the Lord's Prayer, for if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your Heavenly Father will also forgive you.

But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive you your sins.

And we've mentioned in the past that this can't be some kind of quid pro quo.

Can't be kind of, well, if you do these kind of good works, God will save you.

No.

The implication is that a person who's really understood the forgiving grace of Jesus Christ, the forgiving of your past, present, and future sins, the...

The automatic result of that cause, when it's truly and fully understood, is that you will become a forgiving person.

Now, strangely enough, follow me here, because we move into this last very important question of how to, even though we want to, how to.

The first thing we have to realize is this is going to be difficult for those who are rigorous in their obedience.

These are the people that have the greatest difficulty in forgiving.

And what I mean by that is there are some Christ followers who actually do try hard to be righteous.

And this is a good thing.

They feel like Christ has done so much for them, and they really want to be obedient.

So in their minds, they're really trying hard to obey Christ.

And they, in fact, are somewhat offended by the cavalier attitude that some Christians have toward holiness.

They can't believe that some Christians just don't try so hard.

Actually, that's a good thing, too, because I think it's important that we have those around us to challenge us.

Hey!

You're saved by grace through faith, but you need to be conformed to the image of Christ.

You need to do everything you can to walk in the dust of the rabbi, to be faithful in your obedience.

The problem is, it's those type of people who typically have the greatest problem in forgiving.

And the reason is, even though they would never admit it, they believe that because they try so hard to be obedient, they don't need as much forgiveness as others need.

And Jesus said this is a problem in Luke 7.

He said, who?

He who is forgiven much, loves much.

He who is forgiven little, loves little.

So if you think you're forgiven, but you're not really forgiven that much, you're going to have a hard time in forgiving those who offend you.

The point that we've tried to make in this series, that as you grow in your relationship with Jesus, you're supposed to grow also in your knowledge of the holiness of God and your desperate need for atonement.

So the more holy you grow in your relationship to God, that is the more intimate you grow in your relationship with God, the more you realize how holy He is, and the more you realize how holy you aren't.

And therefore, as a result, you grow more in love with Jesus, because you recognize the measure with which you've been forgiven, and in turn, that motivates you to live a holy life, to be pleasing, not appeasing, but pleasing to the heart of God, and part of that is forgiving those who've offended you.

You forgive others.

Now, here's what we've said in the series, though.

True, Jeff, but it's still stinking hard.

Do you know why it's hard?

It's hard because we're not Jesus.

We're not.

So on the cross, Jesus says what?

To those who've offended him, to those who've borne false testimony, to those who betrayed him, to those who gave him no due process, to those who established and set up an illegal trial to make sure he was crucified.

To those people, in that regard, Jesus said, Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.

Now, how on earth are we ever going to be able to do that?

Because we're not Jesus.

And the answer is, that we'll get to, is even though we're not Jesus, Jesus lives in us.

And if you try to forgive a person in your flesh, you will never be successful.

This is a supernatural issue that we're talking about.

They can only occur.

when there's supernatural intervention from God himself.

So we've laid this foundation, we've built the columns, and one of those columns included, forgiveness does not mean, as we've said before, the absence of justice.

We still pursue justice.

In severe cases, forgiveness, as we said, does not always mean reconciliation.

So you can forgive someone without being reconciled to them in the immediate future, because to do so would put you in harm's way again, and to be the object of more abuse.

Now, I'm going to address grievous sins that I know we're all thinking about toward the end of the sermon.

But for right now, let's talk about just the everyday offenses we committed against each other and our call by Christ to forgive.

So here's what the passage says.

Here's what Jesus tells us.

For those who want to forgive, here's how you do it.

Matthew 18, verse 15.

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault just between the two of you.

If they listen to you, you have won them over.

But if they will not listen, take one or two others along so that every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.

If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church.

And if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

So...

In no uncertain terms, we are told to forgive because we've been forgiven.

That forgiveness does not mean the absence of justice, but as individuals, we forgive our brother or sister who offends us.

The next question we ask is, how do we go about doing that?

And here's your answer.

Step one, we're first told if your brother or sister sins against you, go and point out their fault just between the two of you.

Notice something.

You don't talk about it to anyone else.

You don't go to your small group and share your struggles about the other person.

Because in doing so.

You will say things about the other person and they're not there to defend themselves.

You don't go to others to try to get sympathy or to try to get them over to your side.

You speak only to them one-on-one.

And what is your goal?

Your goal is not retribution.

Your goal, according to the passage, is to win them over.

Now the context of this passage in Matthew 18 begins in verse 12 through 14, where Jesus says, What do you think?

If a man owns a hundred sheep, And one of them wanders away, willing not leave the ninety and nine on the hills and go look for the one that wandered off.

And if he finds it, truly I tell you, he is happier about that one sheep than about the ninety-nine that did not wander off.

In the same way, your Father in heaven is not willing that any of these little ones should perish.

So the context then is, when you're going to find someone, you're looking after the sheep that got away.

And you are more happy and rejoicing when there's reconciliation over the one that has offended you.

than the 99 who have not.

So if your goal when you're going to your brother or sister is rebuke them and let them know what they've done wrong and that's it, don't go.

If your goal is to show yourself more righteous than they are, don't go.

If your goal is to vent and bring up all their character flaws and everything they've done to you just to get some kind of retribution or justification, don't go.

Your goal is singular.

It is yes to point out the sin that they have committed against you, but only from the standpoint that you want to restore the relationship and everything that has been fractured because of the sin you want to restore.

You leave the 99 to pursue the one.

Therefore, that means when you go to your brother or sister, you go in gentleness and peace.

You communicate with your body language that you really do love them.

That what you really and truly want is repair to the relationship that's been fractured.

And part of that does require not living in denial, but naming the offense that has occurred and then hoping for confession, repentance, and then the giving of forgiveness.

Now, if you skip step one and you go to step two, you will seldom, which we'll get to, you will seldom achieve the goal.

Why?

Because step two requires that you take a witness or take another person.

If you skip step one and you bring another person, immediately you will place the perpetrator in a defensive position.

Because they're going to feel attacked.

Well, what's this?

This is more than what I'm getting up on here.

And I can tell you from experience, if you approach them that way, that person will assume the position of a porcupine.

They'll crouch down and get into a corner and ready to fire their quills right back at you.

Once again, Jesus is clear.

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault.

Just between the two of you, if they listen to you, you've won them over.

Now just quickly, I've seen this basic principle violated by many, many churches and many, many times in my life.

And as a result, when it's violated, the unity of the church suffers, the witness of the church to the community suffers.

And if the church again practiced this as a whole, it would circumvent so many of the problems.

and it would bring restoration to two individuals before irreparable damage is done.

Matter of fact, if you remember, what did Jesus pray in John 17?

What was his big prayer before he faced the cross?

And it was that, God, I pray that they might be one as we are one.

Now, because the responsibility of the church or the ministry of the church is the ministry of reconciliation, we are told, When someone wants to speak about an offense of someone else to us, this is the part we play, we say, no, in love, go to the person first before you tell it to anybody else.

So don't, if you're in a small group of people and there's somebody who wants to start talking about somebody who did something to them, the Christian thing to do is, okay, hold it.

Don't name the person.

We're going to pray for the situation, but you go to them first before you tell it to anyone else.

Again, one more time, pouring out their fault.

Just between the two of you, if they listen to you, you've won them over.

So that's step one.

All right, step two.

We're told, verse 16, if they will not listen, take one or two others along.

So if you're making a tip at step one.

But they deny wrongdoing.

They lack any humility whatsoever.

And immediately go on the attack of your character.

They refuse to listen to any possibility that they've done anything wrong.

And while you're trying to talk gently to them, they keep interrupting you to justify everything that they've done.

They end up belittling you and the offense that you pointed out.

And there's no sign whatsoever of remorse or regret at the hurt and the pain that they've caused.

Then the Bible says, step two, Go to them again and take witnesses.

Now, what are the purposes of the witnesses?

So that you can make them aware of the offense?

No.

So that you can take others who can objectively witness the manner in which you approach the offender and the manner in which the offender responds?

Yes.

Take witnesses who will serve as arbitrators, whose primary motivation is restoration.

Not condemnation.

That's what you're doing.

And ideally, this would be someone both parties respect.

See, it doesn't do any good if you go get a friend of yours who's clearly on your side and you go to them to point out their wrongdoing all over again.

Still, you're going to put the person on the defensive?

And chances are high that you're not going to get the restoration or reconciliation you desire.

And again, step two requires all...

The same things of step one.

Your goal is not just to point out their fault, but to point out their fault from the standpoint that what you want more than anything else is restoration and to restore the fracture that the sin has caused.

So again, you go in gentleness and peace, you communicate through body language and words, you make it clear that what you want is the repair and fracture of the relationship, and that you name the offense in hope of confession, repentance, and your willingness to forgive.

Now, if you engage in step one, and step two, and you get no joy.

Then the Bible tells us you go to step three.

And step three, really crucial here, is tell it to the church.

Now, this does not mean the whole church.

This is where churches get this wrong.

So there's some sin that occurs in some part of the church, and then they march the people up front in front of everybody.

And most people have no idea who these people are, and they have them confess their sin.

That's not what this passage is about.

That defeats the very spirit in which the passage is written.

The problem is that the passage says, tell it to the assembly.

But the difficulty of contextualizing this in the modern day church is, today the congregation is made up of both believers and non-believers.

Now that's not a bad thing.

It gives us a chance of evangelism every weekend.

But the first church...

was made up primarily of those who have been converted or those who in the process of being converted.

And so when someone sinned and there was no repentance in the oikos, in the home, in the house fellowship between the husband, the wife, the family, the servants, and those who are in the community, it was to illustrate this is wrong, this is right, and this is the truth upon which the church stands.

Today in our midst...

We have a lot of people who don't know Jesus who come seeking to know Jesus.

And if that's the first thing they see in a corporate worship service, I can promise you right now they're out of here.

Instead, if you contextualize this in modern day, it would be to tell it to the leaders, the spiritual leaders, which in this case would be the elders of the church.

And the elders, the spiritual leaders to whom the sinners in the fellowship are responsible to, go to them with the same motivation.

Now just quickly, I've got to talk about this just a second.

This is why Jesus completes this teaching section by reminding the disciples of something He had stated earlier.

So in Matthew 18, verse 18, He says, Truly I tell you, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

That's repetition of what He told them in Matthew 16, verse 19, when He says, I give you the keys of the kingdom of heaven.

Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven.

Whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.

What does that mean?

It means that in a real way, a very real way, God ordains and calls leaders to shepherd the people of God.

They are the spiritual shepherds of the church, which means they are about the ministry of reconciliation.

They want to feed the sheep, take care of the sheep, provide for the sheep.

The word binding means to set, or the word binding to set to be captive all right so look at it as being restricted somehow and then the word loosed means to be set free captive set free so they're all related this is kind of a metaphor It is a metaphor of Jesus trying to explain the ministry of reconciliation to the disciples to be established in the church.

The elders in a real way determine, as much as we don't like to hear this, who's in the right and who's in the wrong and what to do about it.

So they will loose the righteous where they will set captive or they will restrict those who are bound by their unrighteousness.

So in a real way, church leaders are in the business of determining This is not appropriate.

This is appropriate.

This is wrong.

This is right.

Now, this frustrates the American church because we don't like church discipline, and we don't like anybody to tell us that we're in the wrong.

But that's not the way Christ established the church.

You've got spiritual leaders that are supposed to protect the unity of the church and protect the doctrine of the church, and to make sure that the ministry of reconciliation is always happening.

So the second reason the step requires take two or three witnesses.

It's so that when you go to the third step, you've got two to three witnesses that can explain to the elders, before the elders get involved, that every effort has been made to restore the relationship with good intentions, love, and compassion.

So again, in step two, when you take witnesses, it's so that they can affirm that you are approaching this with gentleness, not just retribution.

And they can also affirm that the person is responding with grace and mercy.

or that they're in complete denial and refusing to restore with their brother and sister.

In other words, with the intentions of saving them, with the hopes of restoring them, you make a drastic move.

You bring it to the elders, but don't bring it to them.

You don't go to step three before step one and two.

And the elders won't be interested in step three until step one and two, and they shouldn't be interested in step three until step one and step two.

And the reason they do this, though, is not for retribution or condemnation.

It's...

to bind and to loose, to say, you're in the wrong here, brother.

And now there needs to be repentance and to help them see the seriousness of their sin in hopes they will repent.

Now, let me have one more quick pause.

At every phase in this process, every phase, if there's no love, no compassion, and there's not the gentle language of restoration, the process will fail.

It is the governing emotion.

and truth behind reconciliation.

The motivation of love, compassion, and restoration.

Now, because I've been in the church for a long, long time, I've seen good examples and bad examples.

And even when I was young, I couldn't have been more than 11 or 12 years old, I remember In the little town of Elizabethan, Tennessee, there was an older gentleman that just really felt that once you entered the worship center, there was to be great reverence.

And he was a bit harsh on the kids.

So you can imagine, I'm growing up and he would say, hey, young boys, stop running in the church.

This is the house of God.

Or he'd say, hey, young man, take that hat off.

You should not have your head covered in the house of God.

If you didn't dress a certain way, young man, you need to wear better clothes to church.

You're Sunday best.

This is the house of the Lord.

The problem is his idea was not that irreverent.

In fact, it was actually quite reverent, quite holy.

But the manner in which he expressed himself was very harsh.

Now, I got to witness a church meeting where the elders and the people of the church brought him to task.

But the problem is that they used such hard language toward him.

You could tell that their intention was not restoration.

Man, it wasn't reconciliation or restoration or to help him.

They just wanted revenge on the way that he had talked to their children.

That's all they were interested in.

There was hate, vitriolic, there was no softness, no compassion.

I remember being scared as a young man.

Are these Christians?

Another church I went to in my teen years, there was a battle between the pianist and the organist and the worship leader.

So the pianist and the organist were very good musicians.

The worship leader was not.

And so timing would get out of whack from time to time, and it would be quite humorous in the service.

But rather than give the worship leader grace, it almost looked like...

the pianist and the organist was trying to just make her look more and more bad so they could get rid of her.

And finally this came to, yes, this happens in churches.

And it finally came to a head and the whole church came together.

And once again, the elders were there, the pastor was there, but rather than somebody saying, Hey, our goal here is let's.

Let's reconcile here.

Let's understand each other's strengths and weaknesses.

Let's love each other.

That was never done.

Instead, everybody just aired their dirty laundry.

Everybody just aired what their frustrations were.

And we walked away worse than we were when we came in.

And actually, this church never recovered.

In both cases, there was no spirit of love, compassion, or a desire for restoration of what had been lost.

There was only vindication and accusation.

However, I have a good example, and this was in New Zealand.

Robin and I were ministering in Auckland on the North Shore, and there was a young lady in our church, a couple, a young couple in our church that had been Christians for quite some time, so they knew better, and they were sleeping together and living together.

Well, one of their Christian friends went to them in private, so one on two, and said to them, Look, I love you.

And I am not here to condemn you, although I am here to point out that here's what the Bible says.

This is the truth of the Word of God concerning sexual purity.

So I'm calling you, I'm asking you, don't live together, stop sleeping together, honor God in this early days of your relationship, and He'll honor your marriage.

Well, they told the young girl, hey, we hear what you're saying, but we disagree.

We think this is fine, okay?

So the young girl decided that she would take a friend along and go a second time.

But she took someone along that they both respected.

So, when they saw this person coming, this was like, oh, we respect this person and their spiritual insight.

So, they came, they shared it again, and upon sharing and going through the scriptures, the couple repented and said, you know what?

We see that now.

They moved out, continued to date, married later, and then told me later on that's the best decision they ever made, to honor God that way and how God was honoring them.

But the appeal was on the basis of love, not retribution and vindication.

Now...

When the first three steps are practiced in order, and there's still no repentance, and there's no acknowledgement of sin, because it does happen.

Step four, we're told, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector.

Now, at first glance, that's harsh.

But hold on.

How does Jesus say to treat a pagan and a tax collector?

And the answer is, with love, compassion, and the hope of repentance.

The difference is he's now saying treat them as if they're not a believer, but as if they're an unbeliever, because the way they're acting is indicative of the fact that they may not know Jesus, and they have no heart and passion for him or the word.

So we might have assumed their believers now treat them as if they're someone to be evangelized, someone who does not know Jesus, someone who's never experienced conversion, is a candidate for salvation.

Not as a fellow worker in the kingdom of God, but treat them as someone who desperately needs Jesus.

So the question is, if that's true, how would you treat that person?

You'd pray for them, wish them well, pray that God would orchestrate events in their lives to bring them to repentance.

So they become a matter of intense prayer and hope and faith.

What you would not do is try to destroy them because of the offense that they've made.

That's not how you treat an unbeliever.

No, you treat them as if...

There's a need for repentance.

You know, I even think of a church like this, we go back to how you would contextualize this kind of principle in today's world, and the reality is every weekend in our church at One and All here in L.A.

and in all four of our campuses, we have both believers and unbelievers.

We have people who have been Christians for a long time, but we also have people who are new at this.

And they're still trying to figure out what Jesus taught, and they're very young in their faith.

To call...

So we're going to treat someone who is very young in their faith totally different than someone who is very mature in their faith.

You're going to have a person here who should know what to do, does know what to do, and who are obstinate.

You're going to have a person here, this is all new to them.

So we're not going to cast them out of the church.

We're not going to treat them as pagan and tax collectors other than the fact that we're going to pray for them and wish them well.

But we're going to be gentle and easy and teach them.

That's why I've said, what would you do if somebody walked in church on the weekend, man, and they looked exactly like somebody in your mind shouldn't be here?

But aren't you glad they're here?

I mean, they're here.

They're seeking.

And surely we're not going to discover a sin in their life and pull them before the church and tell the whole church about it.

You treat every situation uniquely.

This passage specifically is talking about brothers and sisters in Christ.

And the unity of the church depends on us operating and following these principles that Jesus laid out in just a few verses.

So...

You treat them as a tax collector or as someone who is an unbeliever, someone who does not know Christ, as a pagan.

And if you treat them that way, so treating someone as if they're a pagan or tax collector simply means that you're treating someone as if they're not a believer and you're going to make every effort that you can to help someone far from God come near to God.

Now, let's go back just a moment.

Think about it.

If someone comes to you, the shoe's on the other foot now, and claims you've offended them, and rather than coming to you, they go around you and they tell everybody in the church about what you've done.

And then after they've done that, then they come to you.

What's the problem?

It's too late, because now you know their heart.

They want to inflict as much pain on you as possible and destroy your reputation.

And if that's what happens, they will never win you over.

Now, quickly, we can't stop there, but we've got to do this.

We've got to ask a few qualifying questions.

Number one, what if the person doesn't ask for forgiveness?

Am I still obligated to forgive?

You are going to encounter some people who do not want to repent.

And they genuinely believe they've done nothing wrong, whoever goes to them.

Are you responsible?

Does this change your responsibility to forgive?

And the answer is no.

You forgive.

Jesus clearly said, love your enemies.

So this person is making you their enemy.

Love your enemies.

Bless those who curse you.

Pray for those who abuse you.

And please, once again, don't tell me that I don't know what this is like.

I have a person in my past, about 18 years ago, that there was friction between us.

And I could see that there was friction.

And I could see that something was wrong.

On three separate occasions, I have gone to that person.

And I've said, look, I know something's wrong, but I want us to love and reconcile.

Just tell me what the issue is so that we can get past this.

And every time he would say, oh, no, we're good, we're good.

And then as soon as I left, then...

The vitriolic language started again.

The social media posts, things he would say to people about me.

I would go a second time, a third time.

What you have to understand is there are some people who don't want to forgive you because it keeps them having power over you, especially when they know you want them to forgive you.

You think about it.

So if you want me to forgive you and I refuse to forgive you, I know I've got something over you.

And there are some people who want to maintain that power.

So what's my responsibility to this person?

Love my enemies.

Bless those who curse me and pray for those who abuse you.

John Piper says, we are to bless them.

And that blessing means that our part of the inward forgiveness has happened.

The opposite of forgiveness is holding a grudge.

But blessing is the opposite of holding a grudge.

And so blessing is a kind of forgiving.

So if you're able to wish them well, to love them, that shows what's going on in your heart.

You have forgiven them.

Now, what did Jesus say to his enemies again when he was on the cross?

And they weren't asking for forgiveness, but he said, Father, forgive them.

In that moment, forgive them, for they do not know what they're doing.

Jesus prayed for those who did harm to him.

He prayed for their forgiveness.

And in 1 Peter 2, verse 23, when he was reviled, he did not revile in return.

When he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who justifies justly.

Now, this is crucial.

Let God determine justice.

You and I are neither omniscient or omnipresent.

We don't know all the circumstances that led to the offense.

That doesn't mean it's an excuse.

It simply means my calling and yours is because we don't have exhaustive information.

It's to forgive, wish them well, and move on.

Now, as I've said every weekend, I know what's in your mind, but you have to let me get to it.

Stay with me.

There's a second question.

Is there a difference between forgiveness and reconciliation?

This is crucial because sin is messy and cleaning it up is often lengthy and it's a nuanced process.

It is possible, listen carefully, it is possible to forgive.

Forgiveness, for forgiveness to occur in our relationship with God.

Apart from future interaction with the person who sinned against us.

There are many reasons that we might not be able to speak with the person and extend forgiveness.

Verbally, but we can do it in our heart.

Some of those situations, you have to be careful about moving back into a relationship or in proximity to someone who has sexually abused you.

Or even financially abused you.

You can forgive them, but you don't want to enter back into business with them.

Physical abuse, you have to be careful because those who exact physical abuse are great at manipulating.

A sense of trust has been lost.

You can forgive them, but that doesn't mean you enter into a relationship with them.

There's emotional abuse as well.

Forgiveness, and this is the clincher here, is different from reconciliation.

Our reconciliation with another often depends upon the attitude and actions of the one who sinned.

And even if the confessor...

or the offender rather, confesses what he or she has done to us, it doesn't mean that all the consequences that have occurred as a result of their sin have been removed.

You can be forgiven, restored, trusted.

Again, you can.

But that's a process, man.

It takes sometimes months if not...

Years to trust someone again enough to completely and fully reconcile, even though you have forgiven them and moved on with your life.

Steve Cornell says, When someone has been significantly hurt and feels hesitant about restoration with her offender, it's both right and wise to look for changes in the offender before allowing reconciliation to begin.

We can and must forgive others of their sins against us, but there may be other factors that that prevent full reconciliation and restoration of the relationship.

Okay?

Three and final.

How do I process through forgiving those who have offended me?

Now, this is that climactic point.

This climactic part of the series is here right now.

Because I know some of you are still saying, Pastor Jeff, this is a big ask.

Listen, here's how you process through the forgiving.

Number one.

Do not deny or justify the sin.

Being sinned against hurts.

It hurts because sin is wrong.

The Bible validates the destructive nature and effects of sin, so you should not feel guilty or wrong about feeling offended, violated, or wounded.

Acknowledge.

Don't deny or justify what has happened to you.

But second, As you move toward forgiveness, you have to remind yourself of something that is true only in Christ.

And that is, there is ample compassion, mercy, and grace in Christ for you.

This is the beginning of the power of forgiveness.

In Hebrews chapter 4, we're told that we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses.

What's a weakness?

Forgiving.

The lack of forgiveness.

But one who in every respect has been tempted as we are.

Do you think Jesus was tempted not to forgive?

Absolutely.

Yet, without sin, let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace that we may receive mercy and find grace and help in time of need.

Forgiveness requires supernatural assistance.

You try to do it in the flesh, never going to work.

Now stay with me.

Let us build this little house.

Some people, once again, will not want restoration with you.

Pray for them.

There's nothing you can do about it.

You've done what you wanted to do.

You've reached out one, two, three times.

In fact, I had a person tell me one time, Jeff, you don't get it.

I don't want to be friends with you.

I don't want to restore my relationship with you.

I just don't like you.

Well, at that point, there's nothing you can do.

And let's face it, family members are the toughest to deal with.

By far.

Just quickly, I think I've shared this story before, but I had a grandmother on my mother's side.

So you've heard me talk about Grandma Bessie, the round mound of sound.

That's my father's mother.

But my mother's mother came from a very difficult family.

I mean, there were people in prison for murder, there was sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, just a long line of history and people who just were not good people.

But I thought that me and my three brothers had a great relationship with my grandmother.

And we'd spend our times at her house sometimes.

My parents would take us over there.

We'd play baseball in the front yard.

My grandfather would give us ice cream.

Those are fond memories.

When my mother died, and she died young at age 61, about a year later, we were all on the front porch of our home.

The family kind of got into a big discussion on who gets what money.

I mean, somebody dies in that family, everybody's like, oh man, they're like scavengers waiting.

Okay, who gets what money?

Who does it belong to?

Who does that belong to?

And I just wanted nothing to do with that.

So I just sat on the porch swing and I thought, man, you guys take it.

I'm just not interested.

And I remember my older brother Tim saying, Grandma, she's our mother.

We're her sons.

And my grandmother said to my older brother Tim, what do I care?

My daughter's dead now.

You guys mean nothing to me.

I'll tell you, that was a shocker, and I'm just going to be honest with you.

I don't think I ever had an intimate relationship or conversation with my grandmother after that.

Now, part of that is I lived overseas, so I was never around, and she died before I returned.

But if I'm being honest with you, I can tell you I'm not sure how I would have responded to that.

Where do you go from there?

However, my younger brother, Jody, decided to go visit her.

And my younger brother, Jody, forgave her.

before she died.

And I went over and I actually would go and play cards with her when she was in the nursing home and just take gifts to her.

And I asked my brother Jody one time, I said, how did you do that?

And here was his response.

And this is what I've been trying to say.

My brother Jody said to me, Jeff, how could she possibly understand anything about love given the fact of her life?

So my brother Jody was identifying with the perpetrator.

I think no matter how desperate.

No matter how grave the sin against us is, with compassion, gentleness, and a genuine desire to restore, I always think that reconciliation and restoration are possible.

Okay, so what do you do?

Again, Jeff, this is a big ask.

Remember, it doesn't come from me.

It comes from Jesus because he says to whom much is given, much is required.

You've received a lot of forgiveness.

So the question is, are you going to give a lot of forgiveness?

Are you going to forgive a person without repentance?

Maybe not reconcile, but are you going to forgive and generally wish people well?

Okay, here's the manner in which I have gained ground in my own life.

It's all scriptural, but at the same time, I want to meander through something here that I think is really going to help those of you who've been offended by somebody maybe outside the church.

In a family, whether sexual, emotional, relational, what kind of abuse it is, here's what can really help.

And it's that practicality of the supernatural input from the Holy Spirit of God into your life that you need.

First, grapple with the weight of personal sin.

As you start to move in and think, God, I really want to forgive this person, but I got to tell you, this is horrible.

This has ruined my life.

The first thing you do Grapple with the weight of your own sin.

You have more in common with the one who did the sinning than you might like to admit.

We all have hate and anger and insecurity and jealousy and bitterness and envy in our hearts.

Maybe we didn't do what the perpetrator did, but we still have all the emotions present that enable the perpetrator to commit his atrocity.

And the deterrence and limitations that prevented us from acting on all those emotions that are real and are inside all of us, may not have existed in the perpetrator's life.

That in no way excuses their behavior.

But every person must ask, what kind of atrocities would I have been capable of had I not had the positive influences in my life that served as a deterrent to this kind of behavior?

That's step one.

It's not the only thing.

It doesn't justify.

It doesn't excuse.

But that's step one.

Here's the second.

Marvel at the gift of total forgiveness.

In Christ, every single sin of yours has been washed away.

Our certificate of debt has been completely canceled.

Over the top of the bill is a divine declaration that reads, In blood of Christ, paid in full, there remains now no condemnation for those who are in Christ.

We stand forgiven at the cross, hallelujah.

May this be the model then and the motivation for our forgiveness.

But there's something else.

I wish, and this is the clincher of the clincher for me.

I wish I could take you to heaven and I could some kind of time machine or maybe caught up in the third heavens whatever but I take you to heaven and we go forward into the future and it's the day of accountability and judgment.

And you're in line.

And suddenly, through the power of God and the Holy Spirit, every sin that you've ever committed starts rolling the tape in your mind.

And it's so fast.

Every deed that you've done, every thought that you've had, everything, every single time you brought harm to somebody that God created in His image.

Every time you were selfish, envious, malicious, slanderous, hateful, narcissistic, prideful, vengeful.

Every single time.

that you didn't live up to your own standard, much less God's.

And the longer the reel plays, the more you realize you're in deep trouble.

You're afraid.

You're terrified.

Because now you see all of your sin in the light of the holiness of God.

And you're not comparing yourself anymore with other people or the people who've offended you.

Now you're in comparison with God himself.

And suddenly the movie stops.

And Jesus Christ walks over to you and he picks you up.

in the moment of your terror and he puts his arms around you and he says Forgiven, justified, saved, sanctified.

No need to fear.

The blood of the Lamb has covered your sin.

You are good with God.

He will not exact two payments for the same sin.

The law itself demands that you be released and restored.

And everything you've ever lost will be replaced.

To an infinitely greater degree, enter into your joy.

I'm telling you that if I could take you to that moment in time, recognizing what is before you, your attitude toward those who have offended you would be different when you came back down to earth.

Why?

Because you would realize that no matter what they did to you, it could never take away of what Christ has done for you and what matters most, eternal life in fellowship with the Father.

That's why Paul said the weight of glory is not worth comparing to the sufferings of this present life.

Suddenly, if you could go there, you would see all the hate and the evil.

that came into their lives, that contributed, doesn't excuse, doesn't justify, but contributed to the people they became.

And I'm telling you, in heaven, knowing what is before you, knowing your eternal existence in heaven, let me tell you what was going to happen.

You'll weep for the one who offended you, knowing that perhaps they are eternally separated from God, from heaven, the new heaven and the new earth.

You will weep for your family members that caused you so much heartache.

You will weep for them because you will see their lives now in the larger context of eternity.

And you will even beat yourself up a little maybe that you didn't do more to forgive and to reach out to your brothers and sisters, even though they're the offenders.

Something will happen to you if you get a quick trip.

into the heavens, that you are now able to see their offense in the light of eternity.

And I'm telling you, if you came back down here, you would say, I forgive you.

Now the question is, is it possible that you could possess those feelings now, right now, without the trip?

And the answer is yes, but only through the power and the presence of the Holy Spirit.

And here's the key line.

Until what Jesus did for you.

becomes more real to you than the offense somebody committed against you, you will never be able to forgive.

Until what Jesus has done for you and provided for you that can never be taken away from you becomes more real to you than what someone did to you, you'll never be able to forgive.

However, if somewhere along the line You receive a revelation from the Spirit of God, and your eyes are open.

And then what Jesus did for you becomes so real, more real, than what someone else has done to you.

I'm telling you, at that moment, Jesus will give you his forgiveness.

It doesn't come from you, really.

Good example, one of the greatest forgiveness stories ever, Corrie ten Boom.

So Corrie ten Boom after the concentration camps of Auschwitz and Ravensbruck.

Remember what she experienced?

I mean, the guards were horrible.

They beat her sister on a regular basis.

There was one guard that would stand over and watch them take showers every day.

There were medical experiences, experiments rather.

They were forced to do hard labor in the snow.

I mean, the cold, the starvation, the barracks, the flea infestation, the roaches, everything.

Horrific experience.

And yet when she gets out, One of the things she does is travel through Germany and Europe, proclaiming the ministry of reconciliation and forgiveness possible through the Spirit of God.

And then in her book, The Hiding Place, near the latter part of the book, she talks about where as she was speaking, after the speech was over, she walked down onto the floor.

And the guard, the guard at Ravensbrück, who stood over them and watched them take their showers, extended his hand and said, thank you for your message of forgiveness.

And he reached out to receive hers.

And here's what she says.

She says, in that moment, I tried to smile.

I struggled.

This is Corrie Ten Boom.

I struggled to raise my hand.

I could not.

I felt nothing, not the slightest spark of warmth or charity.

And so again, I read the silent prayer.

Jesus, I cannot forgive him.

Give me your forgiveness.

As I took his hand, the most incredible thing happened.

From my shoulder along my arm and through my hand, a current seemed to pass from me to him.

While into my hand...

And to my heart sprang a love for this stranger that almost overwhelmed me.

And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our own goodness that the world's healing hinges, but on His.

When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives, along with the command, the love itself.

In that moment, she wanted to, but could not in her flesh.

She prayed the Spirit would awaken her.

Jesus fills her heart with the depth of his love.

What Jesus did for her became more real at that moment than what this guard had done to her.

She extended her hand and the power of the Holy Spirit enabled her to forgive.

Until Jesus, until what Jesus did for you becomes more real to you than what someone else has done to you, you will not be able to forgive.

That's why I often note that when I am in community with Christ and I am good with God, I'm not talking about good from a practical standpoint.

I'm not condemned.

Neither are you.

We are good with God because he forgave our sins.

But when I am walking in relationship with Jesus, when I am part of community, when I am praying daily, when I am in the Word of God, when I am in fellowship with other Christ followers in community, I've noticed that I'm actually more able to forgive.

And the reason I'm more able to forgive is the Holy Spirit is firing the right word at the right time and the right place to give me the victories of my life.

If I'm out of community with Christ, if I'm not in community, if I'm not in the Word, if I'm not in relationship with Jesus through prayer, I find it almost impossible to forgive because you can only work and serve out of who you truly are.

That's why the movie Unbroken, Louis Zamperini, do you remember that?

Great story, an Olympic runner, fought during World War II, captured by the Japanese, tortured relentlessly.

After spending, I don't know, 193 days shipwrecked, not on an island, but actually on the water itself, eating whatever he could find, I mean, just torture after torture.

Then he goes to the camp.

Then he's singled out at the camp.

By a camp warden, who they referred to as the bird.

Tortured day in, day out.

Starvation again, much like what Corrie ten Boom would have suffered.

When he returned home, he did not know how to cope, so he turned to alcohol, became an alcoholic.

His wife was at her wit's end with Louis and didn't know if she could continue the marriage.

They're on the verge of divorce.

She invites Louis to a Billy Graham crusade.

He goes.

The first night he goes there, he hears about five minutes and walks out of there.

But something compelled him to come back the next night and the next night until finally Billy Graham does what only Billy Graham could do because he's ordained and anointed by God himself.

Preaches the gospel in a way that Louis could understand and Louis came to the front and gave his life to Christ.

In 1998, Zamperini actually carried the Olympic torch to celebrate the start of the Winter Games.

When in Japan, he requested to meet with the bird with a letter in his hand that said, I have committed my life to Jesus Christ.

Love has replaced the hate I had for you.

Quoting Romans 12, 18, live at peace with all if it is possible on your part.

Now, what could it, listen, you and I have been through a lot.

We've been offended.

We've been abused.

I know.

But if you place typically, and I'm not belittling any abuse.

I'm simply saying, when you think about what Corey Tim Boom experienced, and you think about what Louie Zamperini experienced in a hellish situation where they most probably should have died other than the grace of God, and then they come back and they're able to forgive, there's only one explanation for that.

supernatural intervention of God Himself, as they're in relationship with God, the energy and the power of God releases into their lives.

And because Jesus lives in us, it is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me.

Christ's forgiveness empowers me then to forgive.

Can I give you an invitation wherever you are?

Can I give you an invitation to call on Jesus right now?

And you know what?

Although you can pray, God help me to forgive what you really need to pray.

God give me a revelation of Jesus Christ and what the cross means for the rest of my life and eternity.

Help me see.

Help it become so real to me.

that Christ in me, the hope of glory, then enables me, because I know of his provision, it enables me to do what Christ has done for me.

Make the cross more real.

Give me a Jesus revelation so that my bitterness and unforgiving spirit can be overwhelmed by the truth, the mercy, and grace of God's word.

Your only hope.

I gave you a formula, and it might be a formula as far as practice goes, but your only hope of ultimate forgiveness is a supernatural deliverance that comes through the Holy Spirit of God as you receive a Jesus revelation to know that no matter what anyone has done to you here on this earth, it never can become as real as what Christ has provided for you.

Drop down on your knees and...

And ask God to give you that revelation so that you too may forgive the offender and move on with your life, wishing them well.

Father, thank you for the power of the gospel.

And I pray in Christ's name, anything I've said that is consistent with your word would penetrate deep into our hearts.

That this would be one of those messages that we go back to again and again and ask questions and follow the example of our Lord.

But first and foremost, we would know that this can never happen without the supernatural divine intervention of the Holy Spirit of God.

To give us the right word and the right emotion and the right power at the right time.

Because we have finally discovered that what Jesus did for us is more real than anything that could ever happen to us.

And even then, He will bring everything together and use it for ultimate good.

In His name we pray.

Amen.

We hope you enjoyed today's sermon.

If something spoke out to you and you just need a little more information about Jesus or if you have any prayer, please reach out to us at oneandall.church.com and we'll reach out to you so that way we can help you grow in your relationship with Christ.

or become a new believer in Christ.

We hope that you enjoy the rest of your week.

And with that, we'll end as we always do with one hope, one life in Christ.