Posted in: Depression, Restoration
08.25.16
(
Jennifer Aufrecht
)
Finding Hope in the Brokenness
A few days ago, I decided to use my lunch break to work on some writing. I was having a rough week, and honestly didn't feel like writing; I felt like I didn't have anything to say. Nonetheless, I pulled out my journal and I ended up pouring out my heart to God instead, using my journal entry as my letter and crying out to Him: Dear God, I am feeling overwhelmed with inadequacy and brokenness. Who I am doesn’t feel like who I should be. I am sad and lonely; I miss my family and friends in Washington. I don’t know what my calling is or if I even have one anymore. Why am I here, and what am I supposed to be doing? It is a day where being myself is not my favorite option. I’d rather be prettier and more outgoing. I’m tired of being shy in new situations and always feeling out of my comfort zone. When I look in the mirror, I don’t like what I see. Why do I always feel the need to be perfect, even though I know it is impossible? And then I am angry with myself when I am not. I hate feeling like people are mad at me. Finances are frustrating and there never seems to be enough. God, why do I feel so frustrated? Lord, please quiet my soul and give me rest.
As I was writing, God revealed verse after verse after verse in answer to my cry.
My precious child, be still and know that I am God.(1) My yoke is easy and my burden is light.(2) I will give you rest.(3) In this world you will have trouble, but take heart, I have overcome the world.(4) I will refresh the weary and satisfy the faint.(5) I created your inmost being; I knit you together in your mother’s womb. You were fearfully and wonderfully made. My works are wonderful. Your frame was not hidden from me when you were made in the secret place. My eyes saw your unformed body. All of the days ordained for you were written in your book before one of them came to be.(6) I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with loving-kindness.(7) For I know the plans I have for you – plans to prosper you and not to harm you; plans to give you a future and a hope. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me and I will listen to you.(8) I will never leave you or forsake you.(9) For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourself, it is my gift to you— not by works, so that no one can boast. For you are my handiwork, created in me to do good works, which I prepared in advance for you to do.(10)
God spoke to me that day in a way I had never experienced, and I came away from my time with Him feeling lighter and loved. The Bible is God’s Word and love letter to us and will comfort us in our time of need. I encourage you to spend time with God and memorize Scripture because one day, in your time of brokenness, He will whisper to you that same scripture and it will be the hope that you so desperately needed.
(1) Psalm 46:10
(2) Matt 11:30
(3) Matt 11:28
(4) John 16:33
(5) Jeremiah 31:25
(6) Psalm 139:13-16
(7) Jeremiah 31:3
(8) Jeremiah 29:11-12
(9) Hebrews 13:5
(10) Ephesians 2:8-10
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Depression,
Restoration
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About the Author
Jennifer has been married to Randy for over 30 years and is the mom of two grown kids, Kim & Nick and daughter-in-law, SaraJane. She refuses to believe all the mother-in-law jokes she hears! In December 2022, she became "Grammy" for the first time, and life will never be the same again. Since growing up in the Pacific Northwest, she will always be a Seahawks fan. She also loves Diet Coke, chocolate, worship music, and Jesus. Especially Jesus.