5 Things Every Marriage Needs
I love my husband; he’s my best friend. After 26 years of marriage, we often find ourselves thinking the same thing or unknowingly wearing the same color. Of course, our marriage isn’t perfect, but we’ve found true joy, love and companionship. While every marriage is unique, there are a few principles that make a strong marriage.
First and foremost, every marriage will be stronger when both spouses serve one another. Take a look at Philippians 2:4-7:
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others. In your relationships with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be used to his own advantage; rather, he made himself nothing by taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness.”
Wives, if you have ever struggled with being submissive to your husband or understanding what the Bible means by that, this passage is a beautiful description of biblical submission. Jesus was equal with God, but chose to make himself less to serve people who didn’t even like him. Model your role as a wife after this passage. Also consider Ephesians 5:25-28: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.” Jesus is making his bride, the Church, beautiful and presentable to God. As a husband, you serve your wife in the same way. Marriage is beautiful and honoring to God when both spouses serve like Jesus served. (For more information, read “The Meaning of Marriage” by Timothy & Kathy Keller).
When either one or both of you are in a difficult place, loyalty goes a long way in keeping a marriage strong. When the going gets tough, it is priceless to know that your spouse has your back. And when the difficult days of your marriage come, and you find yourself on the opposite side of an argument, it is important to have a mentor couple or reliable friend who is not related to you who can help you navigate the rough days of your marriage. It is your job to guard your spouse’s reputation, so be careful how you speak and to whom when you are angry. (Note: if you are in an abusive relationship, your personal safety is more important than reputation. Seek help from whomever can help you immediately.)
In all the years that we have been married, I cannot recall a single time that we ever resorted to name-calling when we were angry. We have set some strong boundaries around our marriage. We fight fair and try to never say things we will later regret. Sometimes that means taking a time out and coming back to the subject when we have cooled off a little, but don’t wait too long. If at all possible, resolve the issue before going to bed.
A regular date night is a priority for a healthy marriage. After getting home from work and greeting the kids, we always took a few minutes to catch up on our day. A few minutes to talk about our day gave us a moment to reconnect. The kids were not allowed to interrupt this time (another boundary) which helped us keep our marriage as a priority. Additionally, when the kids were younger and childcare was harder, we stayed up after the kids went to bed to have an “at-home” date. Do whatever it takes to keep the bond strong while raising kids.
There is nothing better for your marriage than a good laugh together! Make sure you find moments in your day to laugh. It will lighten your load, relieve stress and draw you together.