Struggling Through Singleness

So…apparently proposal season is the week between Christmas and New Year’s. I saw 5 of them through Facebook in a week’s time. A week! Meanwhile, I was home on a staycation spending my days reading, cleaning or watching Netflix on my couch. Some days I even took a shower.

“Your time will come!” But the truth is, it might not.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m extremely happy whenever I hear about engagements and think it is one of the most beautiful moments someone can experience. But, in all honesty, it reminds me of where I’m at in my life. Or rather, where I’m not. I am in my mid-thirties and single. And while there are parts of that that are incredibly awesome (like being able to spend a week doing nothing and no one needing anything from me), there are parts that are extremely difficult.

I am the only single one in my group of friends. And several of them are expecting babies in the next few months. It’s hard not to feel left behind or forgotten at times since I’m not in the same life stage as they are. It’s not fun to be aware of my singleness at every party or event where everyone else RSVP’s for two. And it definitely makes me wonder when, or if, my time will ever come. How could it not?

Maybe you’re in the same place as me. Maybe you’ve never been married. Maybe you’ve gone through a divorce. Either way, you’re single and genuinely concerned that you might always be. I’m no expert but I’m there with you and while there is always struggle, there are some things I’ve learned along the way…

God promises Himself, not marriage.

No offense to my friends (and yours I bet) who have said, “Your time will come!” But the truth is, it might not. Yes, God wants to give us the desires of our hearts (Ps 37:4) but He doesn’t promise that that includes marriage. I know several people who desire a spouse but never married. So I hold onto the things that God DOES promise me: His faithfulness, love, grace, forgiveness and trust, to name a few. God is bigger than my desires and even better than them, so I have to remind myself of that when it doesn’t feel like He is.

Contentedness is learned.

Being content is literally the HARDEST THING I’VE EVER DONE. But leaning on God and training myself to be satisfied and joyful in the midst of uncertainty, frustration and heartbreak is a gift. It’s possible and the only way that I’ve found to seek God fully through my singleness.

Marriage doesn’t fix everything.

Any married person will tell you this. Sure, I desire for it deeply but it’s not ALL I desire. I also want to travel the world, save animals, serve the church and make a difference in someone’s life. I don’t have to wait for marriage to do that.

So, keep your head up and your heart ready. Ready for all that God has for you.