5 Tips on Healing A Broken Heart
We were together for almost 12 years, had two children, created memory after memory, and shared everything from a home and finances to family and friends. And it all finally came to an end.
Although it was an abusive, toxic, and much needing-to-end relationship, my heart was still completely broken. We started dating when I was 16 years old so I pretty much grew up with this guy and found my whole identity in being with him. There I was, super lost, depressed, angry, confused, lonely, and unmotivated.
For you, maybe it wasn’t a break up, but have you ever had your heart broken for other reasons? Have you ever found yourself so paralyzed and so disappointed, you were feeling betrayed by God? It’s sad how the devil can use our pain to turn us against God. We start to think God didn’t show up, that He just left us, didn’t care, or that He wants us to suffer forever. But God doesn’t want that for us...to stay brokenhearted and afraid, suffer forever.
Here are some tips that helped me pick up the pieces.
1. Start with a faith check
“Faithless is he that says farewell when the road darkens.”- J.R.R. Tolkien
Do you believe in God and that He is able to do above all what we can hope or imagine, that He is the Creator of all, that all things are possible through Christ, that He wipes our sins away and washes us as white as snow, that He gives and takes away, that He restores the years the locust has eaten, that He died and rose again, that He is the way, truth and life...you get the picture. If you believe in these things, then hold onto them and keep going. Let Him fight for you. Run the race and stick to the prize of restoration, hope, love and strength in Jesus.
2. Find your tribe
“When we suffer in silence, we think that we are alone, different, separate. When we share our stories of suffering, we find that we are the same.” - Brene Brown
We are not meant to do life alone. We are better together. When we keep secrets or pretend to be something we aren’t, we are living a lie and allowing the devil to creep in. We can’t be afraid to let people in and see our mess. “For where two or three gather in my name, there am I with them.” (Matthew 18:20) Find community, get connected, talk to someone, and don’t isolate.
3. Focus on your day to day
What you do with your time matters. Go to church, workout, take deep breaths, call a friend, find a local support group, read, get a mentor, journal, pray, read scripture, etc. Everyday and every moment is a chance to continue on with the healing, forgiving, or just strengthening your walk with the Lord. Guard yourself and put on the armor of God. Make it count! It will take effort and consistency, but soon your emotions will follow your actions.
4. Be kind to yourself
When you look in the mirror what do you see? What thoughts run through your head? Do you spend energy and time blaming and shaming yourself? If you do, STOP. Choose right now to be kind to yourself, forgive yourself, and show yourself grace. Work on cultivating your inner advocate by lifting yourself up. Remind yourself about your good qualities, how far you’ve come, give yourself time, and tell yourself every day, “I am enough.”
In addition to forgiving yourself, God asks us to forgive those who hurt us. “Even if they sin against you seven times in a day and seven times, you must forgive them. (see Luke 17:3-4)
And beyond God asking us to, it’s freeing to forgive those who have hurt you and it will actually help you heal, love, trust, and be hopeful again.
Martin Luther King, Jr. said, “We must develop and maintain the capacity to forgive. He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies.”
Healing from a broken heart might be one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do, but you will get through this, I promise you. Most importantly, God promises you.