Why I'm Saving Myself for Marriage
I decided a long time ago to save myself for marriage. However, it wasn’t until the past year that it became something I really wanted to do rather than the right thing to do. This shift happened as I deepened my relationship with God and unraveled more and more how He views me and how He wants me to view myself. Alongside that, I also read two books (It’s Not What You Think by Jeff Bethke and Loveology by John Mark Comer) that changed my perspective on love--not just romantically but generally--and showed me how intertwined it is with the rest of my life.
Here are 6 things that made me want to save myself for marriage:
1. Sex is too powerful to mess with.
In the Hebrew version of the verse Genesis 2:24 ( “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” ), the words “one flesh” mean “fused together at the deepest levels”. This means that sex is not just a physical pleasure but the action of fully knowing and touching another soul. It is a powerful intimate place for man and woman to meet. However, this nuclear force of sex becomes dangerous when it is done outside of marriage. It’s too powerful to mess with. After all, would you mess with an atomic bomb?
2. I don’t want to carry so much junk into my marriage.
Because our souls fuse with another when we sleep with someone, we carry a piece of them in us. In my family, we call them “soul ties”. And it’s not just a spiritual thing. It’s been scientifically proven that when you have sex, the body creates a deep connection with whoever they slept with. This will greatly affect marriages, especially when there are fights between spouses. The chances of staying together are better if sex is within marriage.
3. I don’t want to objectify people.
Objectification isn’t just a feminist idea. It has been around since Adam and Eve brought sin into the world. Anytime we see another person as an accommodation, a ladder rung, or a product, we objectify. Anytime we look down on, disrespect or insult someone, we objectify. We objectify when we view someone as less than what they were created to be: image bearers of God. When we have sex with someone outside of marriage, we reduce not only them to a “good time” or an “accommodation”, but also ourselves.
4. I don’t want to go against my creation.
You can’t treat a car like a boat. It wasn’t made to work that way. The same goes for us. We were created to be image bearers of God (to reflect Him) and anytime we go against that, the immense joy and fullness that comes from fulfilling our creation gets lessened in our lives. Sex outside of marriage, as much “pleasure” as it may bring, leaves us empty in the end. The emptiness may not consciously manifest but that doesn’t mean it’s not there. It will eat away at some part of our soul whether we notice it or not.
5. It glorifies God.
Saving myself for marriage goes deeper than doing it cause it’s the right thing or cause I’ve heard that I’ll have a better sex life if I wait. At the core of it, saving myself for marriage is about obeying God’s commands, and so, glorifying Him. I was, after all, created to glorify Him.
Sex is precious to God. He wrote a whole book on it in the Bible! On top of that, it was His first commandment to us humans (Genesis 1:28, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it…”). All this, of course, within marriage. He didn’t make this law to suck the fun out of it. Rather, He created this law because He wants us to have the MOST fun doing it. He’s not a cosmic kill joy; He is after our joy. Trust Him. He is the one who created you and designed you. Only He knows how you work best.